November Blog

Easing Into the Holidays

We all realize that the holidays are coming. Those of you who have lost a spouse are anticipating that Christmas and Thanksgiving are going to be different. The pain of loss is unavoidable, but we can do some things to make it less painful.

One of the things we can do is to let ourselves be authentic. Don’t try to fake that you are not affected by your loss because others around you are feeling the loss as well. There will be tears, and that’s okay.

Think ahead of the roles that your spouse played in your holiday activities. You may even want to write them down. Then with the help of friends and family, decide which ones on your list you want to keep and which ones you don’t need this year. For instance, my family substituted the real Christmas tree out of the farm for a fake Christmas tree because as my husband’s disease progressed, he wasn’t able to carry in a real tree.

Create some new traditions. One of them could be giving to your favorite charity. Another could be letting someone else host your event. We added candles to our celebration on Christmas—one for my dad who passed away, one for my mom, one for my husband, and one for my brother-in-law.

This year, expect less of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would a good friend who is in grief. Grief takes time and energy. You will tend to be disorganized. Don’t expect yourself to do all the same things that you used to be before you lost your spouse.

Remember why we have Thanksgiving and Christmas. We have Thanksgiving to remind us to be thankful. We have Christmas because God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.

This Christmas and Thanksgiving, enjoy that great love and be kind to yourself.