May Blog
I CAN’T CATCH MY BREATH
Linda: Hi, this is Linda and Mary Beth.
We are on Whidbey Island at a writing retreat. Hat Island is in the background and the weather is perfect!
We are here to talk about the thought, “I can't catch my breath.” This is a situation that the bereaved sometimes experience. According to Gary Roe, in his book “Heartbroken,” one widow said,
“It's constant. I had no idea how hard it would be. The depth of grief is astounding. Sometimes I feel like I can't even catch my breath.”
You know, intense grief has an effect on our whole body. Sometimes we notice and sometimes other people notice, but it packs a powerful punch emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Sometimes we don't want to go back to church. It just sends us flying. We forget things. We get clumsy. We might be low energy now and we weren't before. We might get sick more often. Our immune system took a powerful punch, and we are left to cope with the after effects.
Mary Beth: That's right and when you think about a traumatic event—a car accident or some situation where you are left by the side of the road (literally or figuratively) trying to catch your breath, you are in physical shock, stunned. And this can happen especially when someone experiences traumatic grief which accompanies a large loss, for example the sudden passing of a loved one, or someone who died under really traumatic circumstances.
People experience this in war situations, as well. Even lately, we've received requests from missionaries in Ukraine, Poland, and Russia, asking for some of our books to be translated into their languages because there are so many widows due to the war. They are obviously experiencing traumatic grief.
Some of the symptoms of traumatic grief are similar to typical grief, like having trouble sleeping, nightmares, etc. With traumatic grief, PTSD symptoms get tagged onto grief. Some examples are shakiness, trembling, nausea, loss of appetite, dry mouth, trouble sleeping, trouble breathing, muscle weakness—all the things you might imagine when you're in shock.
With a car accident, maybe you're in shock for half a day, and the next day you might be sore (unless it's a life-threatening situation), but with traumatic grief, it goes on and on. It can be surprising how constant, hard, and deep the grief is. It's not like you're going to wake up the next day and feel so much better. It seems to be never-ending, but it does come to an end. But in the case of traumatic grief, the trauma itself impedes the process of moving forward because the whole neurological system is upset and needs to be calmed down.
In his book, “A Grief Observed,” C.S. Lewis said,
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
And that's “just” typical grief! But traumatic grief is even more than that. That's why we have developed our program called HeartWork which helps deal with the traumatic events surrounding the death of a loved one. We combine telling the events around the passing of the loved one with inner healing prayer, during which Jesus joins us in our prayers and shows the bereaved person where He was during that time of loss.
When a person has suffered traumatic grief, they carry around those terrible memories. In fact, we refer to those experiences as “unspeakable”. What do they say when someone asks, “How are you?”
By sharing all the gory details of their story with us, they are able to relieve themselves of being the terrible weight of those memories. And then Jesus speaks to them and heals the trauma behind their grief. This is why HeartWork is so valuable!
We’ve hosted a couple of HeartWork retreats at my home. A dozen women and one man have gone through the HeartWork process. Without exception, they have experienced improvement in their symptoms. Some people say it's miraculous improvement. They are now able to move forward in the typical grief process after having resolved the trauma. So stay tuned! We are further developing HeartWork and, Lord willing, we'll have some more HeartWork retreats in the future. If you know anyone who has suffered traumatic grief, send them our way by going to thewidowsproject.org.
Also, if anyone would like to join a Zoom group for women who have lost their husbands, we meet every Thursday night from 6:00 to 7:30, Pacific Standard Time. And I do say the time zone because we have people joining us from all over the country! We also have a Zoom group for ministry widows every Monday morning from 10:30 to 12. If you go on our website, you can get the information for these Zoom groups. Send us your e-mail address and we will e-mail you that link.
So, God bless you! He knows all about your trouble! No one ever cared for me like Jesus. And He cares for you!
Do you shop at Fred Meyer? They offer Fred Meyer Community Rewards.
You can choose to have them contribute to The Widows Project in proportion to your spending at Fred Meyer.
Go to the Fred Meyer website and your account, and then search for “Community Rewards”.
Please choose The Widows Project.
Thank you so much.
Click the image above to make a donation today!
