February Blog
His Mercies Never Cease
Linda: Hi! This is Linda.
Mary Beth: And this is Mary Beth.
Linda: And we are the Co-Directors of The Widows Project. We wanted to go back in history for us to when we were first widowed.
Mary Beth: I don't want to go back there! It was awful!
Linda: It was very hard. And part of the reason that it was so hard was that our world got turned upside down, our emotions got turned upside down, and our expectations got turned upside down. We did not know which end was up! Part of that was the crazy emotions we experienced. Our balance in life got disturbed and there's no righting it. At first, it changes our equilibrium.
Mary Beth: Changes it? It throws it out the window! Forget it!
Linda: Yeah. One of the people that we talked to said, “I didn't know I could feel like this!” And what was it that C.S. Lewis said?
Mary Beth: Yes. He said, “Nobody ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.”
Linda: Yeah. It's like your emotions get all jumbled up and you become a person you didn't know existed. Grief emotions come in all sizes that we're not familiar with, such as shock and numbness. Some people feel nothing; they're just paralyzed. Sadness, sorrow, depression, fear, dread, terror, irritability, anger, rage, nervousness, anxiety, panic—you really don't know what's going to happen next!
Mary Beth: You know, people expect you to feel sad, and we expect to feel sad. We don't expect to feel all those other emotions. And nobody really knows you're going through that either.
Linda: Yes. And it's hard to differentiate between reality and emotions because your emotions are so raw that they impinge on your thinking.
Mary Beth: Absolutely. You can't think clearly, so it's a very upsetting time. A very strange time. But we got through it somehow, someway—with God's help, the help of good friends, and the Body of Christ. And we are here to tell you you're going to make it too!
Linda: You know, the emotions that we have at the beginning need to be felt. You can run, but your emotions are gonna catch you, and then you get to deal with them. Emotions are not facts so sometimes the things that you're feeling are extreme. It helps if you have a friend to ask, “Is this really true? Am I crazy? Why am I feeling this way? Is it ever going to go away?”
One thing that we always warn people about is this: Don't make any big decisions when you're still at that stage of grief. That is very important, because it might be an impulsive decision that you have to live with for the rest of your life.
Mary Beth: Yes—a permanent decision based on temporary emotions. These emotions do change. It does get better, I promise!
Linda: We all need to know that we're not alone, we're not crazy, and we're going to be OK. These emotions are not going to last forever. They are to be expected and they are normal. When you are feeling like your emotions are crazy, go find a friend at church. Talk to a trusted individual and process what you're feeling with someone who is thinking straight. And that's not me when I'm first bereaved. I am not thinking straight that is normal.
God bless you. We'll see you again.
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You can choose to have them contribute to The Widows Project in proportion to your spending at Fred Meyer.
Go to the Fred Meyer website and your account, and then search for “Community Rewards”.
Please choose The Widows Project.
Thank you so much.
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